To care or not to care?

To care or not to care? That is the question. Is it better to care much or not to care enough? And if the answer is to just care just enough, how do you know what enough is? How do you know that if you get upset because someone cancelled on you that it means you're caring too much. Or that if it doesn't upset you you don't care enough. These are the stupid things that run through my mind, and then make me feel bad for not caring enough. I don't want to care to the point to where I get hurt. I don't want it to bother me that I know something's wrong but I can't mention anything because I'm not supposed to know about it. There's multiple reasons that caring too much sucks. The easiest one to point out is that you get hurt. Easier and more often than those who don't care enough. But then the ones who don't care enough are looked at being self centered and selfish people.

There's two completely situations that make me question this. One is more complicated than I can even try to explain. and the other situation is a typical dating situation that girls should be used to, but still have no idea how to go about it or how to react to it. So I'll explain the first before I even try to explain the second.

Situation #1: This is easy to explain. Girl meets guy a few weeks ago. Went out on a few dates and seemingly everything went well. At least thats what I've heard. And its not like it got serious too fast. Here's where the tricky part comes into play. She overreads a text that she shouldn't have read and it was basically about asking if he had talked to another girl, and then the second text had mentioned well I just told her you went to dinner with your parents, when clearly he wasn't at dinner. I've tried to tell her that its ok, you aren't serious with the guy, you have no right to be upset, but then again, why hide it and lie about it if you aren't doing something wrong? Why would he need to lie about whats he's doing if he's not serious with her. And if he is serious with her why is he taking other girls out. Maybe he's not serious with her, but she is with him and he doesn't want to hurt the other girl? See this is where all this caring stuff comes into play. Are you supposed to care if you know he's dating someone else or are you supposed to prove that you should be the one he chooses. She likes the guy, and she wants to see what happens with him, but then again, from her previous experiences, she could end up hurt again. Should she cut the ties now and say forget it, or wait it out. Here's some more info before the answer:
She ran into him on accident one night when she was out with her friends, and he was out with his. True, it was his normal hang out, but there was no real reason for concern to running into him. Well, she ran into him. And it was awkward. Not just like Hey, how are u? blah blah blah, but she felt like she was intruding. She was literally shaking when she was talking to him. No idea why, but she was. Either way, here's another thing in the mix... the other girl he was talking to apparently works there. So, more than anything, it sucks for him. Both the girls he's talking to are there. He can't act like he would normally because if he did, they'd both figure it out. Well little to his knowledge one of them knows. Ugh. She wishes she didn't know. She wishes she was kept in the dark, and that none of this was never figured out. She could have been blissfully unaware of everything, and not be worried and stressed about what she does know, and then thinking she's being played. You would think that after everything she's been through this shouldn't be shocked but she is. Well thats the easy situation.

Now for the more difficult:
So I'm slowling coming to the conclusion that I have strong feelings for someone and I know it's not a good situation. Not because he's a bad guy, or anything like that, but because it's just the worlds worst situation. I am coming to terms with these feelings, and I am sure he knows, because he has to be an idiot not to know, but he's not going to do anything about it, that's not his style. I've considered him one of the people that I can go to for anything and get an honest answer and never really have to worry about him lying to me. Does that mean I trust him to not hurt me? Absolutely not. It's so complicated. Well not really complicated, just completely unidealistic. Do I tell him and risk the change in friendship, or do I just keep it quiet and hope this all just goes away. It would be one thing if nothing ever happened, but there's obvious attraction to each other. We both are attracted to each other and we both know that even with boundaries, its still hard to follow the rules. I want him to know everything, and I want to be able to tell him that him being across the country sucks and I want to be there. I want to tell him that no matter what he'd be the one I'd prefer to be with. He'd be the one I'd rather do things for and go places with. (besides my girls) He's the one I want to be lonely for. I've done this long distance before and it sucks. I hate it. I'd be willing to try it all over again because I truly think that he's worth it. He doesn't. And in all reality he probably isn't. He's just a guy. I know his flaws, and he's got a few of them, but I can over look those. I can overlook his pessimistic view on everything, and his sarcasm for every remark made, and his jack ass comments, and his mood swings, because he's the one I know would be there if I called him at 3 in the morning (if his phone was on) and come and pick me up if I needed a ride. He's also the one who always says to drive safe, and text me when you get home, and making sure I'm ok if I seem upset. He's the one telling me sleep well every night and good morning every morning. Those gestures mean the world to me. Well that's my dilemma, wish I could just see the answer of what I'm supposed to do. Do I care too much about him? Is it ok if I feel bummed if I don't hear from him the next day? Or do I just say screw it, it's never going to work, and give up and not care about what he does. How do I stop caring too much so I don't get bummed out? This is what I struggle with most. Caring too much. Its a great quality for a partner to have, but it sucks when you can't control who you care too much for.

New Year, New Me???

So it's the beginning of the year, and its the time when everyone makes resolutions. I don't. I have never been a fan of resolutions, because it's almost like making a promise to yourself you know you're going to break. If you need a new year to make a resolution, it shows you have no motivation to make your own goals. Yes a new year gives it a perfect time to start over, but really, it's just an excuse for people to make goals because everyone else is making them. I have goals that I would like to accomplish, and I have deadlines, but I hate calling them resolutions. That's just me :)

So besides the new year, there's nothing really new going on. I hate saying goodbye to people, especially people I get close to. Now mind you, it's not like its goodbye forever, but its still a goodbye. Especially when you saw the person like 3 times a week, talked daily, and was always your go to person for anything :( It's like losing a part of you. At first it didn't feel like anything was different, and then I went to call them and they were across the country unable to go to dinner. It's just about getting used to it. Any who... that's not even scratching the surface on how much it sucks, but it'll get better :/

SO new year, new me? Probably not a much different me than last year. I'm definitely a more skeptical person when it comes to men. I don't trust them as much as I should, and I don't trust them nearly enough to have a relationship with them. Even the close guy friends that I could see myself with I can't even trust them enough to not hurt me. I know I'm at the place where I can commit and settle down with someone, but I just don't know if I could trust them to not hurt me. So we'll see how this new year treats me. I'm not expecting a grand year, and I don't necessarily hate last year, I moved on a lot from what I needed to last year, and I grew a lot as a person. This year will be a good one as well, but no new me. I like the old me just as much as I would like any new me :)