No sleep.

I can't sleep, so why not blog? I've been reflecting a lot on the past year in my life, and honestly, I never thought it would be what it is today. A year ago, I was in a career that I thought I'd never leave, doing a job that stressed me out, but I absolutely loved. I was in love with the man I thought I'd spend forever with, and although it wasn't perfect, we at least thought it was going somewhere. I wouldn't have changed my life for anything. Now, I'm in a new career, that I actually truly love. I'm not stressed, I'm not looking over my shoulder for the big mean manager to criticize or change their mind on what they want to focus on, and it's a breath of fresh air. Now the whole relationship thing- I would change, but I'm ok being single. The guy I loved, honestly in retrospect, was probably the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Its not just the break up, but it was the way we did it. It wasn't clean, it was messy, it was back and forth and it was never completely done. Until about a week or so ago. It's the hardest thing to not text or call him, because he was the one person I always went to. But now its not him. He's not there. It's hard knowing that you're alone. Yes I have my friends, but its not the solid support of someone who loves you and wants to be there on your bad days, to rub your back and hold you while you sleep. Ok, so I'm off of that subject.

This year has been a year of changes. New job, new perspective on life, new friends, new everything practically. I've done a lot of firsts, and have made a lot of mistakes, but have also had an amazing first 10 months of the year. That's not to say I have loved every minute of it. I want a few weekends that happened to unhappen, a few nights to just disappear altogether, but its those mistakes that made my new outlook on life. I'm stronger than I thought I could be, and I know that what I've been through and dealt with in this past year, and the past 10 years, I have built strong walls that only let people in so far. No one is in all the way. No one gets my full trust, my heart, none of it. It's sad to say, because I am the hopeless romantic that wants to believe in soulmates, that there is a prince charming for every princess (because we all know I am a princess) I am the girl that believes in happy endings, the one that believes the girl always gets to be the one exception to the rule. I want to be someone's exception.... (name the movie)

Ok. That's all for now. I'm going to try to sleep. Good night world.